The TRUE False Prophet and the curse which is Chr*stianity
also Truthfully called:
"big bastard is watching you, but fuck 'im."
"O My Lucifer, forgive us our
weaknesses, save us from the fires of Inquisition, take all fair and shriven souls to Elysium, and
help especially those most in need of Your Unholy Light.
ABOVE, RIGHT: Lord Satan, as seen by St. Chick. (DAMN!)
Above is the only available picture of Jack Thomas Chick, founder and Editor-in-Chief of Chick Publications, found at www.chick.com Jack is also known as: St. Jack the Tripper, Pope Jack Thomas the First, The Brown Pope and The TRUE False Prophet. Jack, by the testimony and witness of his multi-billion tract ministry, has caused more actual doubt and damage to Chr*stianity than any other author who ever lived. More people have been turned away from Chr*st and Chr*stianity by the hands and forked tongue of JACK THOMAS CHICK than any other single person in the whole sordid history of Chr*stianity!
The vast majority of the following images are from his literature. None of this is presented for sale and the author(s) are all freely acknowledged. The use of these images are for SATIRICAL PURPOSE AND THE EXPRESSION OF COUNTER-POINTS TO MR. CHICK'S SELF-ENGENDERED CHR*STIANITY ONLY. No cooperation or approval of Chick Publications is either assumed or implied.
FOREWORD
Jack Chick, through his ever-deepening delusions, his Seventeenth Century Calvinistic mind-set and his indefatigable, burning lust to save doomed souls from the hands of a God who is not merely angry but Who is a venomous psychopathically sadomasochistic monster, a sort of "Ultra-devil," Who is intentionally roasting and torturing 99.9999999% of all existent human beings forever and ever in His very own Lake of Fire, has actually done the MOST to desecrate, belittle and drive potential converts away from Chr*stianity.
In the Chr*stian Young Earth, KJV-only Fundamentalist Protestant mythos, which is Pope Jack's world view, we start out with "God" in the literal, actual, flesh and blood (well, sap and blood) Garden of Eden, just a mere 6,006 years ago.
Nice garden, with tyrannosaurus rexes for pets and plenty of triceratops to ride and a walking, talking Serpent for a dietary consultant. Nothing died, not even the plants that the wolves and mosquitoes would have had to eat, along with all the other predators, since nothing died before The Fall, not even the trillions of calcium-bearing sea critters composing the White Cliffs of Dover. Nope; that all happened in The Flood, which happened a mere 4,400 years ago.
(NOTE: Due to the efforts of St. Chick and His Creationist cronies, the triceratops is now jokingly called "The J*sus Horse.")
But did they have cars that you pushed with your feet? Pterodactyl windshield wipers?
Jackhovah, Lightbulbhead God, is the kind of parent who leaves set bear traps around the house where his toddlers are learning to walk; then, when the inevitable traumatic amputations happens, it's the wounded children's fault. So Jackhovah the Perfect cuts off His own legs to replace the ones the children are now missing, doing it in the most slow, hideous way He can manage. (Did it ever occur to Massa Bulb-for-brains to just, I don't know, FORGIVE THEM AND FORGET THE WHOLE THING?!?!?)
But J-LightbulbBird God has set up an entire network of "OOOPS!" mistakes to go with the grotesque grafting of legs that no one needed to lose in the FIRST place. Even if you pray the JTC Sinner's Prayer, fall on all fours and take it up the arse from Jackhovah, the All-Loving Rapist, there are still gracious plenty of ways you can still go "YAAAH!" all the way to Hell. You can accept Jesus and His Dad, Who is ALSO Him and a Bird, BUT you might be reading the wrong Bible, not quoting the correct verses or being misled by the wrong Pastor. Even belonging to a less-than-totally hostile, paranoid Christian sect of a sect's sect can lead to an eternal, agonizing, burning Hell, screaming in fire and filth forever, even if you worked for Big Bastard faithfully your whole life; it's still a 50/50 split as to where you go, karma and good deeds be damned (LITERALLY.)
In Pope Jack Thomas the First's twisted world, the potential deceptions and transgressions work out to about 99.999999% of all existing human beings going to the Lake O' Fire, while .000001% get to sit around and tell "I AM" just how wonderful He is to the sound of uncounted trillions screaming in never-to-be ameliorated agony.
What, do they keep His butt warm or something?
What kind of mind-sickness does it take to come up with this shit? It's called Chr*stianity.
Ummm---excuse the fuck outta ME, O All-Merciful Asshole, but any of those "Demonic" Gods you hate would've just shrugged and said "No Big, go play, Adam and Eve; kids are kids." But Lightbulbhead JackJesusBird God just CAN'T let these slave-robot cheerleaders He's created off the hook for a non-existent ancestress' sin of eating a pomegranate. (Paradise comes from rimon pardonis which means "a garden of pomegranates," BTW.)
Oh, no, not Lightbulb Head! He's THE One and Only! He couldn't simply forgive an innocent couple's unintended transgression, like that Vishnu feller (B*ptist minister pauses to make jokes about "blue sissy-fellers with six an' eight arms. Now if THAT ain't Satan, GLORY HALLELUIAH I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS!!! [We couldn't agree more.]) Oh, no no no, Father Florescent just has to have THE CRUCIMASOCHISM:
A sick, sadomasochistic tale of cruelty, bloodshed and divine incest. Never was more wrong done than in this tangled web of stolen myths and fabled atrocities. Never was more bad done for less reason.
POPE JACK'S GREAT SATANIC-CATHOLIC-BILDERBERGER-AMA-GIRL-SCOUT CONSPIRACY
To flummox the "perfect" Plan of Heavenly Foreskinpigeon and drag the maximum number of souls to Hell with us, we secret agents of Satan have an amazingly convoluted Satanic plot which secretly runs everything. To make this nonsense work, human beings have to be sacrificed to this Satan fellow, who really can't do much more than float tables or make gym rivals trip.
[We mean, this guy is THE MOTHERFUCKING TRUE FALSE PROPHET OF CHR*STIAN SCRIPTURE! He, literally, CANNOT tell the Truth: He might spontaneously combust or something.]
BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: THE EARLY YEARS
BUFFY: "But Cordelia, YOU'RE C*tholic!"
CORDELIA: "Not any more! Not since mom's cousin, Alberto and his friend, Bob, came and set us straight. Now we're King James Only, Bible-believing Chr*stians. And we need to help J*sus fight against Satan, starting now!"
BUFFY: "Well, okay; what do we gotta do first?"
CORDELIA: "Well, first we go to my house and burn daddy's gold-and-ivory chess set---it's from India, so it HAS to be Satanic---then we go and burn Willow and Zandor."
One of Our Lord's best scams involves a secret organization of schoolmarms and Sunday School teachers who target clumsy, unpopular girls and tempt them into Witchcraft. (Remember, the B*ble says that women are the cause of all evil and very prone to the sin of Witchcraft.)
Girls are also taught how to smoke tobacco, be a lesbian, lift one girl with one finger and accurately predict the future using only a color, a number and a sheet of paper.
And that's that: Once she sips the baby's blood, smokes that first joint or gives her first blow job, SHE'S OURS! Chr*stian salvation becomes no longer possible.
ANOTHER EXCELLENT INROAD TO SATANIC CONVERSION IS THE PUBLIC SCHOOLS, FESTERING CESSPOOLS OF DEMONIC ACTIVITY:
REMEMBER: Negroes are even easier to tempt into acts of cannibalism, blood sacrifice and Witchcraft than even women or queers.
If you meet a black lesbian cannibal biker, sign her up, QUICK!
We have to FIGHT to keep the accursed B*ble and prayer out of the schools, sex education and evolution IN the schools and "Majik" books that teach kids to do curse spells that don't really accomplish anything but harming an innocent animal on the library shelves.
FINALLY, there are the suburban Witch covens who do the REALLY bad stuff:
(BTW, ex-witch "Becky" above is the spitting---well, drooling---image of ex-doctor Rebecca Brown, one of S'ain't Chick's favorite Satanic-tale-spinner. Brown-Yoder-"Ex. Mrs. Satan" has a tale as soiled and sordid as Elmer Gantry at his worst. You can read all about "Becky," as investigated by Chr*stian journalists, by clicking here. http://www.geocities.com/paulblizard/brown.html )
And just WHY are we doing all of this retarded shit in the first place?
Simple: So we can have the pleasure of being literally roasted alive forever while hearing big LOSER Satan scream over and over---
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