THE TRUE KALIMITE'S HERMNAL
(Chr*stians sing HYMNS; We sing HERMNS!)
SERIOUS HERMNS
I. SONG of entrance
II. Kyrie Herpeto
III. Touch the Earth, see the Sun
IV. Ah, Neteru, heri ta
V. Shiva's Great (or temple) Mantra
AGO YE'
SONG OF WELCOME
FUNNY HERMNS
VI.- ALL THINGS BAD AND HORRIBLE
VII. AMAZING GRACE, THE PROSTITUTE
VIII. AND YOU'LL NAE'R GET OUT THE STAINS
IX. ARE YOU WASHED IN THE BLOOD OF THE DAMNED?
X. Hark! The herald Satyr sings
XI. Onward Christian soldiers (discordian version)
XII. SATAN LOVES ME
XIII. THAT OLD BURNING CROSS
XIV. Power in the horn of the goat
XV. This is my mother's world
XVI. 'TIS SO SWEET TO TRUST IN SATAN
XVII. WESTBORO BAPTIST, THE UGLY
FUNNY HERMNS
VI. ALL THINGS BAD AND HORRIBLE
(TUNE: "All Things Bright and Beautiful")
1.) The Serpent and Forbidden Fruit
The Devil, sin and Hell
Roast some lambs and little girls
For Yahweh loves the smell
All horror, death and murder
All pain and grief and toil
Yahweh's true love is dog-shyte
We wish he'd go and boil
CHORUS: All things bad and horrible
All anguish, pain and strife
Souls roast in Hell forever
For Jesus hates all life:
All guilt and righteous bloodshed
All slav'ry, hate and lies
All truth which science hath wrought
The Jesus Bird denies:
2.) How fortunate for every man,
When Heaven was denied,
He raped his Mom and set it up
To commit suicide
And, O! The nails and thorny crown
The agony and grief
Four stories for their Easter morn
Which strain beyond belief
CHORUS:
I. AMAZING GRACE, THE PROSTITUTE
(TUNE: "Amazing Grace")
1.) Amazing Grace, the Prostitute
She'll make your gonads twirl
There ain't no sex that she won't do
Too bad she ain't no girl
2.) Amazing Grace, the Prostitute
So willing and so sweet
She'll take two pence and gives back change
And swims after the Fleet
3.) Amazing Grace, the Prostitute
Been pregnant every year
She'll give it up for half an ale
And takes it in the ear
4.) Her father is the Archbishop
Her mother was a nun
She'll fall unto her bended knees
And pray until she's done
5.) Amazing Grace, how sweet it is
When she comes in to lie
She has a taste for women and men
And horses not deny
VIII. AND YOU'LL NAE'R GET OUT THE STAINS
1.) There is a fountain, filled with blood
Drawn from Rabbi Joshua's veins
And fools who bathe in human blood
They shall na'er get out the stains: CHORUS
CHORUS: No, you'll na'er get out the stains
No, you'll na'er get out the stains
And fools who bathe in human blood
They shall na'er get out the stains:
2.) The Rabbi was my own dear sire
Who by the Romans was slain (FUCK ROME!)
And fools who bathe in his dear blood
They will never get out the stains: CHORUS
IX. AWAY IN A MANGER
( TUNE: "Away In a Manger")
1.) Away in a manger, The Holy Sun God,
The Lord of the World and the Lord of the Sod
A plague-thing called Jesus came in for to slay
Then science and laughter and life went away
2.) We hate you, foul Jesus, be silent we pray
You shout at your Sheep 'til they torture and flay
Thou God of Disaster, Thou Chastening Rod
We thrust your foul Ghost up the Ass of your God
3.) Nowhere is a place known as Nazareth found
The Glory of Greece trampled into the ground
The Manger and Wise Men from Mitra was stole
Christ's bones in the gutter, His Stone never rolled
4.) The Preachers of Christ are The Fool and The Clown
Our Fathers' Iron Chariots, we shall ride them down
'Til Jesus the Liar shall go all away
Then science and laughter shall come back to stay
VI. 'THIS IS MY MOTHER'S WORLD
(TUNE: "This is my Father's World")
1.) This is my Mother's World
Who births all things which are
The rocks and trees, the bears and bees
The galaxies and the stars
2.) This is my Father's World
The Horned' God of Life
Sweet Shiva Pan, Oh, Baal Shaitan
Who banishes every strife
3.) This is my Mother Earth
Astarte's seasons burn
On Her, we fly, in Her we lie
And, unto Her, we shall return
4.) This is my Mother's World
The Virgin G*D of All
All things She sends and soon reclaims
She makes it rise and fall:
VI. 'TIS SO SWEET TO TRUST IN SATAN
(TUNE: "'Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus")
1.) 'Tis so sweet to doubt foul J*sus
Just to doubt his every word
Just to work while life is in us
For to dump his gilded turds: (CHORUS)
CHORUS
Satan, Satan, how He's taught me
Doubt and freedom, more and more
Satan, Satan, Blessed Satan
Oh, for minds who will explore:
2.) O, how sweet to trust in Satan
And to not shed human blood
Gods who crave for blood and murder
Shall be thrown into the mud: (CHORUS)
3.) Yes, 'tis bliss to be so ign'rant
But we must ourselves awake
We shall stand in pride and triumph
While the Chr*stians wail and quake: (CHORUS)
4.) I'm so glad I trusted Satan
Blessed Teacher, Hunter, Friend
And through all my trials and torments
Bring foul J*sus to his end: (CHORUS)
WESTBORO BAPTIST, THE UGLY
(TUNE: "America, the Beautiful")
1.) Oh, god-hates-fags, you stink on ice
Your record needle's stuck
You're blind to all but your own hate
Don't see how hard you suck (DONKEY SUCK!): CHORUS
CHORUS:
Oh, god-hates-fags, oh, god-hates-fags
We lay our curse on thee
For trolls like you shall never rule
America, the Free
2.) Oh, Pastor Phelps, you killed a girl
Debbie Vargas by name
You've tortured, hounded, raped and killed
And say WE have no shame (BLAME GAME!): CHORUS
3.) Oh, Shirley Phelps, you are a whore
And Fred's a bastard, too
You spew out hate to masturbate
The Devil's Whore is You (THAT'S TRUE!): CHORUS
4.) Oh, Margie Phelps, the punching bag
Which Fred hath wailed upon
He beat your kids, he cut your hair
His wrath goes on and on (THAT'S WRONG!): CHORUS
5.) Oh, god-hates-fags, old Fred's a fag
Some others of you, too
You never will escape the truth
The only fag is you (BOO HOO!)
6.) Oh, god-hates-fags, go drown in hate
And eat the stink of death
The world will be a better place
When you draw your last breath (DEATH BREATH!): CHORUS
