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The year is 32,010 Secundum Matris ("After the Mother"), the Holy Hindu Year of Vrisha 5112, the Chinese Year of the Tiger and we are---

  The Church of Kali

The Universal Ellipse, known as "Kali's Eye," is the official symbol of the Church of Kali. Kali's Eye within the Great Womb triangle with the Germanic Rune, ansul, is the Kalimites' official sign. The Eliphas Levi "Goat of Mendes," with Phoenician letters, combined with an inverted  Roman cross to form the astrological symbol of Venus, is the official seal of the Church of Kali and is used as the official church flag.

A Temple for the outcaste

MAIN CHAPTER-HOUSE FOR LAMED OYIN LAMED

(LOLOX)

"EGO mos sto unus vel EGO mos non sto."

Official Motto of The Church of Kali:

"I will stand alone or I will not stand."

An Eclectic BLACK Wiccan cult

"If they're our brothers, then we have to eat them."

"ALL HAIL, KALI MA, LEVI-ATHAN, DISCORDIA NOX, THE SEVEN-HEADED DRAGON, THE FANGED' TERROR WITH EIGHT ARMS, ULTIMATE CHAOS, THE ONLY TRUE G*D.

SVASTI, SHIVA! SVASTI, SHAKTI! 

IA, KALI MA!"

ABOVE: Acceptable images of G*D.

G*D's word. The only one.

"We're Pagans, we're Witches, we're carnivores, and we use drugs. If you can't handle that, please go join the Mormons. Or the Scientologists, if you're a TOTAL masochist."

If you're a TOTAL masochist, call me: USD $3.98 for the first minute, $5.00 for each additional minute. 

(And I'm actually a three-hundred pound inbred Irish Cath*lic white girl in a trailer park outside Boston.)

OUR SATANIC CULT'S PRECEPTS

        I. If a man wanted to make a million religions, he should start his own cult; so here it is.

        II. There is no God but Chaos and every Thing is to Her profit.

        III. We're all going to Hell, anyway, SFI.

        IV. "OM" is just "MOO" spelled backwards.

        V. "I am become Shiva, destroyer of Worlds---"

                ---Bhagavad-Gita

And most importantly---

VI. "BIG BASTARD IS WATCHING YOU, BUT FUCK 'IM."

WELCOME TO THE ONLY MIND-CONTROL CULT THAT TEACHES YOU TO MIND-CONTROL YOURSELF, SO THAT NO ONE ELSE CAN MIND-CONTROL YOU! 

(Later, if you surrender your own free will, then it's your own damned fault!)

PRESENTED BY YOUR SATANIC NECROMINISTER, 

THE ANTI-REVEREND RETSON RETAP, WF of LOLOX,

Capragrax for Our Lady of Endor's Covenstead

Bristol TN/VA

OUR CHURCH'S YOUTUBE PAGE: http://www.youtube.com/user/ChurchOfKali66619 

Y'ALL CUM!!!

DIRECTORY

(The Lady Erzuli Lakshmi, who went to Tech School, worked and really studied and now owns her very own construction company.)

SORRY FOR THE MESS! PLEASE PARDON OUR DUST!

The Patron Divinities of the Church of Kali: To your left is Lord Baphomet, the true image of Indra-Pan-Danballah-Odin-Shiva, Lord Yang, the Father God; to your right is Lalitha Sahasranama, a powerful and most perfect form of Lady Astarte'-Erzuli-Freya-Aradia, Little Mother Yin; and, in the center, Kali Ma or Kali Ambaa, also called Mother Frig, Dana, Evoe or Discordia Nox, the Black Virgin Mother God of all that exists. These three Gods include all the zonei (planetary Divinities) and the Twelve Signs of the Star-Gods or Zodiac; they are, all of them, avatars and aspects of these three divinities. This, we believe, is the reason that the entire Universe rests on the principles of 2, 3 and 5, and the various multiples and derivatives thereof and the reason for our most central and important theological belief: The only G*D is a woman, an insane Black virgin capable of producing a child without any need of a man. To us, the One True G*D is the Virgin Mother of the Lord and Lady, Shiva and Shakti, Cernunnos and Cerridwen, Satan and Astarte', Baal and Ishtar, Lucifer and Aradia; all are personifications of the essential, matching sides of the Tao, Yin and Yang.

Our sect firmly and religiously believes in the scientific truth of astrophysical progression and biological evolution. While we hold myths, legends and religious scriptures in high regard, our faith rests firmly upon God's great reality of the physical world. As such, pleasure, indulgence, intoxicants, free will and free thought, all within a carnivorous-agrarian life-style, are the very foundation stones of the Wiccan sect known as the Kalimite faith.

This site is sponsored by:

Our Lady of Endor's Covenstead

P.O. Box 102

Bristol TN 37621 USA

WARNING: WE ARE A devoutly RACIST, SKIN-COLOR RESTRICTIVE ORGANIZATION and we are proud of it. WE KNOW, AND openly preach, THE REAL TRUTH ABOUT NIGGERS AND JEWS. IF YOU ARE A NIGGER OR a JEW, OR If YOU HATE NIGGERS AND JEWS, YOU SHOULD CLICK HERE BEFORE YOU GO ONE SINGLE STEP FURTHER.

SHIVA'S FOUR GOALS

DUTY (Dharma)

Mother Goddess, an avatar of Aida Frigga Saraswati, proudly nurses her sons of Agni-Ogunn.

wealth (artha)

Apollonius of Tyana, the REAL model for the undead flesh-golem-demon-god called J*sus Chr*st. 

("Knowledge is the greatest wealth of all."---Kalimite proverb.)

love (kama)

Titian "Bacchus and Ariadne"

Liberation (moksha)

Sahasrara, Crown Chakra

---and the complete and utter obliteration of Scientology, Mormonism and---our worst enemy---New Age Vegan pseudo-Paganism! 

Good Luck, Good hunting, good eating! HOY!

(HOORAY FOR ANONYMOUS! HAIL, SATAN = HAIL, XENU! TEEGEEACK IS OURS!!!)

BLASTED BE!

Lord Kraken puts an end to the "700 Club's Sea Journey to Jerusalem" after the 97th verse of "Ninety-nine Bottles of Pop on the Wall."

THE NECROMINISTER'S GUIDELINES

(Not the T*n C*mmandments, just some useful junk.)

I. RULE ONE: Above all, not one drop of any human's blood is to be spilled for any god, for any reason. Our ancient faith finds this, of all the Man-god religious practices, to be the most reprehensible: Add to this the "proxy" cannibalism of Chr*stianity and this becomes the most repugnant of philosophies. Any divinity who craves human blood is not a God to be worshipped, but a plague and a pestilence to be cast out and destroyed. The Witch may shed their own blood, a few small drops, to mark their runes or to color a magical item. Bloodshed for healing, in childbirth or in honorable combat is perfectly acceptable. Blood sacrifice of a human being, or any non-food animal, is an offense against the Gods and the ancestors and a crime which will result in permanent expulsion from the community and criminal prosecution, whenever possible---and since it's cold-blooded murder in the case of the human victim, the Kalimites would push for the death penalty, on religious grounds, and lay a death curse on the perpetrator.

II. NO MEMBER of the Church is allowed to be vegan! Ovo-lacto vegetarianism is acceptable, as are avoidance of food allergies, but pure vegans should seek their religious satisfaction elsewhere. We consider hunting, fishing, humane trapping and animal husbandry for the sake of raising food animals as not just laudable, but mandatory activities. No form of meat is forbidden, but pork, beef and hunted game are all considered particularly sacred. This is why genuine efforts at conservation and benefit to wildlife are so very important to the Kalimite Church.

Remember: A fruit, flower or other vegetable is also alive and also feels pain. Anyone who uses milk products (such as the average "devoutly vegetarian" Hindu) is, in no wise, truly a vegetarian. Anyone who eats fruits, vegetables, sugar and grains is already getting their food from the death and suffering of a living being. And you are absorbing the spiritual vibrations of the plants, just as surely as you would the vibrations of a cow whose beef you were eating.

Basically, if you're THAT big of a hypocrite, go somewhere else. We don't like hypocrites: They make lousy leather and their meat is stringy and gets stuck in our teeth.

III. ALL MEMBERS attaining Fourth Rank, Slattern or Thief, are required to take The Serpent's Kiss, two tattooed spots, made by the fangs of a sterilized rattlesnake's skull, on the right hand or forehead, by the member's choice. This is done during a special Initiatory Black Mass.

IV. ALL MEMBERS attending the Black Cat's Feast shall come masked. A simple, common mask is chosen by the Necrominister at the inception of the Covenstead. A simple domino or "Lone Ranger" mask is acceptable. New members will receive these simple masks as part of their initiation; then they may purchase a mask of their own choosing on receiving their 4th Level. A special mask, called "The Hood of El Aswad" (the 'Black Man') is worn by the Necrominister, which may either be a black featureless mask or a black cloth hood, a la Medieval executioners. All masks should be colorful and distinctive, reflecting the wearer's personality and taste and should be comfortable to wear for an hour or more; for this reason, full head "Movie Monster" masks are discouraged, unless they can be adequately ventilated and worn comfortably. Masks are also worn to the Esbats, but removed along with clothing at the commencement of festivities.

V. The Church of Kali follows the Sharp Black Stone Rule, also known as the Stainless Steel Rule: "Do unto others AS they do unto you." Be benevolent and give them the benefit of the doubt, but when they lie, cheat or are otherwise unjustly hostile and harmful, that's it. It is unfortunate, but it is true: Sometimes you have to fight back to prevent a greater evil; and, also sometimes, taking revenge is the path of good karma and lessened harm.

A simpler way of putting it is this: "If a man smiteth thee upon one cheek, rippeth his belly open, draggeth him by his innards and wrappeth him about an tree: He'll never smiteth thee ever again, I GAY-ron-tee-eth!"

VI. It is a strong religious custom of the Kalimite faith to have a Head of Baal at the top right edge of their main room's door. A Head of Baal is a small male human head, about the size of a grape or smaller. Heads of Baal are very readily available on E-bay or may be made by the worshipper or an artist. Also, any masculine fetish is acceptable (a shaft of black quartz, the white king piece from a chess set, a small, penis-shaped stone anointed with cedarwood oil, etc.) The fetish is placed in a leather bag, preferably leather made from hunted game, and hung over the right hand of your door lintel for a memorial for the Amalekites and all the Canaanites killed and enslaved in the accursed "holy" books of the foul Chr*stians. Kiss your fingers and touch the bag as you go in and come out, always remembering the Jews killed in the Chr*stians' and the Nazis' persecutions.

VII. ALL MEMBERS should hunt, fish or sacrifice food animals for meat at least once a year, depending on personal ability. Those with no actual farm or opportunity to hunt may attend at and help their co-religionists who are performing sacrifice or pursuing a hunt. Having a church picnic where everybody fishes, and we eat or store the fish, is a very popular thing to do here near the Holston river. ALL HUNTING OR FISHING MUST be by legal means. Obtaining legal licenses and stamps are considered a religious obligation in America.

VIII. ALL MEMBERS of the Church of Kali are required to consume two essential mind-altering drugs as part of their spiritual initiation: Alcohol and psilocybe cubensis mushrooms. Exceptions can be made for any health problems with alcohol, but consumption of the mushrooms is strongly recommended to all members, excepting those with treatable seizure disorders or other problems. Technically, a person could rise to 3rd Rank, Zombie, and stay there, never taking the Serpent's Kiss nor taking the mushrooms; so long as they found religious satisfaction in the Kalimite church, they would be a welcome member. There is no pressure to rise in Rank and there should be no pressure to take the Journey; not until the person is ready, if ever. The Kalimites attach no social status to the Ranks; the higher ranks merely have more responsibility to the community. 

Incidentally, hemp and tobacco consumption are allowed during services, but only by the will of the user, not as an obligation.

IX. ALL MEMBERS are to treat cats, dogs and horses (including donkeys, mules and other non-bovine dray animals, such as llamas) as family members and children. Harm to them is a sin almost not to be reckoned with. Equally as bad are the acts of declawing a cat, devoicing a dog or hobbling a horse. Conversely, spaying and neutering are considered to be highly-important beneficial acts. In accordance with this, food animals are to be well-treated, fed and protected from harm, with sacrifices always to include prayers, blessings and apologies and the least possible distress to the animal itself as can be managed.

X. We are all the descendants of the victims; therefore, we are also, all of us, the descendants of the victimizers. If you had relatives who suffered and died in the Nazi Holocaust, then Adolf Hitler was your uncle. Whatever was in him to do harm one time, that harm is also in you THREE times. Unless you say "Oh, I am a (fill in the blank); we never do anything bad." Then the harm you carry with you is not three times as bad, it is three-times-three or NINE times as bad.

XI. Sex and physical relationships are considered highly sacred to the Church of Kali. As such, one of the most deplorable acts that can be committed by any member is the improper touching of children, especially those under twelve, or any form of rape. Some societies may allow marriage at a young age; in ancient times, people became full-fledged adults at age thirteen. And some underage children may seek out sexual relations for themselves, or acquiesce willing. This is unfortunate, but not deplorable. But the invasive sexual use of unwilling or innocent partners of any age is an offense worthy of death and will result in expulsion from the Church and the arrest and prosecution of the offender.

XII. Whether to remove a growing fetus or to circumcise a male child is the decision and prerogative of the mother, period. HOWEVER, female circumcision is a sin-above-sins for a devotee of Kali. The "little lingam" of Parvati is JUST as sacred as the big lingam of Shiva. It is a woman's sacred right to receive the ecstasy of sexual pleasure.

XIII. As much as possible, the members of the Covenstead should provide their own needs for food, clothing and shelter from the work of their own hands on their own lands. The Inner Circle are required to provide no less than 25% or 1/4 of their needs from farming and husbandry, with exceptions permitted for handicapped members. (Although they may actively participate, as much as they are able.)

XIV. NO MEMBER shall sell the sacred mushrooms (which we call soma) for any reason, nor are any form of powders, pills or intravenous drugs for recreational use allowed at all. Sale or use of such may result in dismissal from the community. Hemp, tobacco and alcohol, however, may be raised or produced for sale or trade, with taxes paid to non-prohibitive governments. If there is prohibition, the member then need not pay taxes. (Moonshinin' ain't no sin to a Kalimite.)

XV. ABOVE ALL, the Witch or "Kalidas," the individual member of The Church of Kali, should strive to expose and work against religious fakery and fraud, to openly and publicly protest the actions or presence of harmful groups and to encourage the teachings of genuine science and the improvement of life for everyone. Most of all, they should strive against the poisonous and deleterious effects of the Father God Monotheisms on humanity and the world, with all due respect for opposing views and the civil rights of groups who would seek to deny the Church of Kali's right to exist and worship.

XVI. Those in pursuit of hatha yoga and certain legitimate forms of sanctity are welcome to adopt "merciful carnivore" mode of diet, which is the standard "vegetarian" diet of other Hindu sects. The Church of Kali does not consider this to be vegetarian, so such a lifestyle is perfectly acceptable; milk or cheese should be kept on the altar's meat plate for members who follow this discipline and adoptions to the ritual can also be made. For instance, the temple could easily adopt good rum as the sacred drink, which mixes easily and tastily with milk. Also, those with alcohol difficulties may request sweet tea to replace the alcohol brew.

Abstinence and continence are fine, powerful and useful, in their place: But so is pleasure, so is the very richness of the life we seek to transcend in Pagan philosophy. You MUST have an equal principle of Tamas in your avatar's path, or you are only spinning your wheels, wasting the only real time that G*D, in Her Wisdom, gave you.

Think about it.

XVII. FINALLY, always keep in mind: All people are animals; this is not an insult. And all people are people; this is not a compliment.

DONATIONS

If you're eager to contribute to and support the Church of Kali, we won't object. It is good karma, true. But, frankly, if you gave the same money to a local Chr*stian church that runs a soup kitchen and a homeless shelter, by our beliefs, that's even BETTER karma; we would prefer that you did that. Also, as we've explained, The Church of Kali makes self-reliance and "Joy Through Strength" essential parts of our philosophy: It is much preferable that each Covenstead be self-supported by its own members. Remember, one of the favorite forms of Covenstead-collective is not a special building with jewel-bedecked stone statuary and gold-plated gateways, but a group of family farms, with the Black Cats' Feasts being held in members' homes or meeting halls and Esbats held in their cornfields. The following organizations are also important causes and our Church supports them, with tithes and offering. If you've got money which you're just desperate to give away, please give it to them.

Lady Durga: Kicks the ass of dumb-shytes who contribute to the following sub-human Trollish organizations.

NOTICE: On the Yin side of that Yang, there are certain groups which we virulently oppose, decry and work against (legally.) If you support these groups, if you stupidly "like" any of these groups---indeed, if you are too tolerant of these fried abortions---you should stay very far away from us, unless you just really want to be dog-and-cat food. Nawww---on SECOND thought, jump on up, froggy-dick: We ain't took no good Fundy hides in a long-o time; ever since we scared off the J-hovers Witnesses (but that's another story.)

Contact us at churchofkali@yahoo.com

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